I think I know why I like to get spanked. I like that form of punishment, my preference is, with a nice wide leather belt on bare naked ass. I never got spanked, ever… When I was young, for any reason no matter what I did… I think it was because I would have to go to “Uncle” Dave’s every other weekend and six weeks every summer since I was five years old until I was eighteen… I sometimes thought they gave birth to me, to be given to him… I remember the first time they left me at his door… I was crying and scared and my mother didn’t pack any of my panties for a three day weekend… That is when it started… he had been my baby sitter since my birth but never at his house before. That was when it became his and my secret that it was okay to run around his house with no panties on… I also believe that she didn’t pack my panties because they knew what he did to me… and what happened when I was with him on those weekends and during those summer weeks that he took care of me.
I took everything I have done in this life and agreed that everything that has happened in my life happened for a reason… I like talking about my childhood because I find it interesting that I was punished with sex as a child. I was NEVER spanked nor did I have any typical correction from my parents… I began to realize that the naughtier I was, a couple of days before I would be sent to “Uncle Dave’s” the more severe my punishment would be. I would receive most of my discipline from him but every punishment was sexual in nature… I was conditioned to enjoy it… Now, as an adult, I find myself craving it. I will throw myself unconsciously into a situation where forced sex is an inevitable and preferred outcome… I realized that I will get myself into a predicament, usually after I have done something like… being late for an appointment or anything that I disapprove of… I must knowingly want to get punished.
I do believe that I go places scantily clad on purpose, after I’d done something that I am upset with myself about. Even though, I do this without even realizing it… And then when I have gotten myself into a situation where a man fucks me, usually hard and fierce, I will then later desire a spanking. You may find this strange because even I find this bit odd… I believe, though that I crave the spanking because I feel shame for having sex with a stranger.
I have a friend that will come over when I call him just to give me a spanking. I let him decide what kind of spanking I deserve, after I tell him what I did. Sometimes it will be with a paddle… Sometimes it will be with a riding crop… Sometimes it will be with a belt, my preferred method. Usually when he comes he will be here for an hour or two. He will spanked me and then pause, sit down, have a coffee or a drink, while I wait kneeling on the bench. He will then continue whipping me while telling me what I had done and why it was so bad and why I deserve this spanking. When he leaves my ass is nearly raw. This somehow makes me feel better, until next time I do something naughty.
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